A Time of Change Pt. 1

Well, life seems to come at you so fast. If anyone where to ask me how things are in my life, even a week ago, I would be hard pressed to find anything that was not great. I have the typical complaints that everyone has, but they really aren't much in the grand scheme of things. I have a wonderful wife, three amazing children, a great job with smart and thoughtful colleagues, and I'm going to NZ for three months. What could be better? Nothing, of course.

One week ago my dad called me to say that he has been coughling up blood for three weeks and that he is pretty sure he has lung cancer. Huh?! The breaks of my life came on, it started to veer off the road, and life seemed suddenly different. None of the other things have changed of course, but it was still a shock. So much so that I am still kind of putting it together.

You see, my dad is really a great man. I have never known anyone who didn't like and respect him. He is super smart, very independent, and, as a well read person, has a strong sense of right and wrong. Even after all of the life he has lived he still gets pissed off by the indignity that people show to each other. He hasn't become cynical (much, anyway) and he certainly hasn't become callused. I hope I carry much of that with me every day. As my sister-in-law wrote in an email, quoting Jim Croce, "you don't tug on Superman's cape" because my dad feels like a superman. I know, the intellectual part of me says that we all die, and that statistically he doesn't have a lot of time left, but still, that was all so intangible. Cancer is tangible. At his age it is probably a death sentence. It sucks that it is happening to him, to me, to us! Of course, there hasn't been an actual diagnosis (that comes next week), so I have a hope that it is not as bad, or profound, or real as it seems. Still, I'm sad.

My first thought was that I shouldn't go to NZ. What would I do if he died when I was there. I'll be there until June. It's unlikely, but you never know. In his dad way he said the thing that I wanted and needed to hear (actually he wrote it). To paraphrase, he said the most important thing to him was his family and their chance to pursue their dreams. If he were to die early we could do a memorial service anytime, it isn't time sensitive.

So, to conclude this post, for now, life hasn't changed too much. In some ways it feels better and more real. I feel luckier than ever to have a family like I have ( I still get tired, however), to be in the place I am in (literally and metaphorically), and to be able to do the things that are important to me. Thanks for reading. There is more to follow