Look, Becky, Abby, and David...I got the fizzies!!!

Next time maybe you can come get them yourselves!

Love,

Mommy

Coming Home.....well, sort of

Yesterday I arrived back to one of the most beautiful places in the world, and with the exception of four important things (Jim, Abby, Becky, and David), I felt like I had come home. By the time I'd been in Paekakariki just an hour or two yesterday, it was as though I'd never left. Melissa told me that when she walked into the house and saw me for the first time, she almost didn't feel like she had to say more than "hello" because...why should she? She just saw me yesterday, right?

Although I'm mostly here because of a really cool piece of work I'm doing with my dear friend and colleague, Jennifer (who is lucky and/or smart enough to live here), I built in a few extra days. Today was mostly about getting over jet lag, but luckily, I don't suffer from jet lag too much, and so....I had a fabulously wonderful day. When I visit places I've been before and loved dearly, what I mostly like to do is go on a little revisiting tour of places that were part of my life. So I woke up, hung laundry, went for a run in Queen Elizabeth Park with Melissa, ended up in the Village for a cup of latte, came home and took a shower, went to Paraparaumu to the Pac 'n Sav, where I bought the store out of my favorite yogurt mix, came back, did a little work, walked into the village to look for fizzies fort the kids, came back, cleaned up the kitchen, and went to pick kids (not mine, but very familiar ones) up at the Paekakariki School, came home, made snacks, went for a swim, and began to fix dinner. It was a whirlwind version of my typical days here a year ago when we were living those blessedly wonderful months of our lives.

People at the school recognized me, some said hi, some looked at me funny as if to say "you're not supposed to be here," others hugged me and said "welcome home." A few kids asked where Becky, David, and/or Abby were. It was familiar. And I longed to have my family with me.

I miss you, family. Everywhere I turn, I think of you. You were supposed to be with me today when I swam. When I went to the village to look for fizzies. I was supposed to pick you up from school. Jim and I were supposed to go for a bike ride in QE park. Here is so beautiful, but you are my home. Hey....any chance my home could take a detour over here???? Just kidding.

Happy Holidays from the Harris-Coughlin Family

In the novel, A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens described the Harris family’s 2008 to a tee. He wrote, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times… it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…” Maybe in retrospect that describes every year, for everyone, but it seemed especially true this year for us.

So that we can end on a happy note, we’ll start with the worst of times. Jim’s dad died at the age of 78 on April 1st after having been diagnosed with lung cancer in January and suffering a collapsed lung three days before Carolyn and the kids went away for a “little trip,” (more on this later), from which he never really recovered. All of his children got a chance to see him to say goodbye before he died, and that has helped Jim to plod through this grieving time. Enough about that…

The best of times was truly that….an amazing and life altering trip to New Zealand. Jim was awarded a sabbatical after ten years of working at the Peddie School; not wanting to fritter away this rare time off, we packed up the kids and moved to the most beautiful country in the world for four wonderful, relaxing, reinvigorating months. Our dear generous friends, the Garvey Bergers, welcomed us with open arms, helping Jim to secure office space at the New Zealand Center for Educational Research, helping the kids get settled into the small Paekakariki School, providing us a place to live, and most importantly, providing all of us with unconditional friendship and a lifetime of memories. Jim learned a bit about experiential education in NZ, but truthfully, what he really learned about was BIRDS! He took over 6000 pictures and identified over 300 birds, culminating in a professional quality slide show that he’s shown to friends and loved ones alike! The kids learned that kids in NZ are a lot like kids in the U.S., enjoyed going to a small school where playing on dangerous playground equipment is required, homework comes in sane quantities, and shoes are optional at best. Carolyn learned how to relax and to live without cell phone or blackberry. While the kids were at school, Jim and Carolyn spent long leisurely days together, bike riding, walking, and just hanging out. As a family, we went on several very cool trips, did lots of biking and hiking, lived in the outdoors, and generally got reacquainted with what it is like to live a life that’s not filled with hectic schedules and consumerism. In short, it was pure bliss. If you have the time and the wherewithal, feel free to read on in this blog for more details of our NZ adventure.

And then there’s the not best and not worst of times….just life as it is. Some highlights follow….

It has been amazing watching the kids grow. Abby, the consummate entertainer, now in 5th grade, is really becoming a young woman, rather than a girl. Becky in 2nd grade, the ever observant one, has gained a lot of confidence in herself and is constantly analyzing the world around her. David, also in 2nd grade, is our passionate and intense child; he has discovered that he can run really fast and that is all he wants to do. Fortunately, Jim has convinced him not to expect his father to run with him all the time! All of the kids read voraciously, all of them love to sing, all of them love to be outside, and all of them live and love life to the fullest. Needless to say, all of us sleep really well, too. What we really see in them is three great kids whom we love dearly. The independence we have been teaching them sometimes comes back to bite us, but they so want to do things on their own, and often do those things well that we can’t help but encourage them.

Speaking of running, this year saw a very particular “best and worst time” for Jim. With the support of Carolyn and his two best friends at school, and fresh off of many months of more than usual physical activity, he ran a sprint triathlon in September. It was a ¼ mile swim (in Peddie Lake, yowza!), a ten mile bike ride, and a 5K run. The swim felt like the most difficult part, though it shouldn’t have been. He got kicked early, tightened up, and never gained on anyone. The bike ride was fine, but the roads were slick from the rain. The run was killer, with his right calf cramping up about halfway in. In the standings he didn’t fair very well, but the victory was in the finishing!!!

The last exciting thing (we hope) to happen this year was the addition of the adorable Pango (pronounced Pon-gu…it means “black” in the Maori language of NZ), a 3 month old Golden Doodle puppy, to our family on Election Day 2008.

Returning to normal, American, high stress life has been challenging for all of us, although Carolyn has had the hardest time readjusting. Must be her Wyoming roots!! Mostly, though, we’re grateful for the chance to have done something incredible as a family and to have created lifelong memories. We are truly blessed.

We wish huge blessings for each of you, as well, this Holiday Season.
Jim, Carolyn, Abby, David, Becky, and Pango

Pictures are of the family near Milford Sound in NZ and of David, Becky, and Abby with Pango at the Lake

The Simple Things

Hi this is Becky.Inthe first picture is Abby,David,Pango,and me.In the second picture is Laz,Dad,Mom,Becky,Abby,and David.

In the last picture is our new doggy Pango.The other one is David and Abby and me down by the Lake last night with Pango. David has his wet suit on because he dared himself to go in the water but he ended up only getting his feet and his head in! There is ice on the Lake!

OK, now me, Carolyn. It doesn't take a genius to notice that it's been nearly 6 months since our last posting...back then we were fresh from 4 lusciously relaxing months in New Zealand. We're so grateful for that time we had...what a gift. Life back in the US happened to us gradually, thank goodness! Being at our Lake house for 2 1/2 months was a perfect transition. It all seems so long ago now.

Seems like life has been moving at 100 miles per hour since the second we set foot back on Peddie School soil in September. Of course, we arrived home from the summer at the last possible minute, as is my style...why face the unpleasant now when you can put it off for a couple more days??? Is it possible that I once thought of myself as a fully organized, fully planned, fully together sort of a person? If ever I did, I've liberated myself from that story at last! But I digress....

Most of the fall was the typical busy-ness of a family with 3 elementary school children and two working parents...soccer practices, soccer games, girl scouts and cub scouts, Princeton Girl Choir for Abby. For the first time I felt full on the reality of how hard it is to live at a boarding school when you have multiple school-aged kids and a working spouse. Night-time dorm duties, twice weekly mandatory family style dinners, football practice and games, Saturday classes--these all made it very hard for Jim to participate in the kids' daily lives and when we layered on my being out of town working for a full 3 weeks plus many odd overnights over the course of two months, it was chaos. So we are (or rather I am) feeling a bit torn about whether this life is sustainable. Juxtaposing it against life in NZ makes it hard to be objective, but then again, NZ has given me a new standard against which to measure....I vacillate between telling myself that this is reasonable and knowing that it's unrealistic and going back again to the notion that realistic is just another way of saying "limited". And feeling limited is not a good place for me to be. So we talk and wonder and who knows what's next. Perhaps more of the same, perhaps not.

Just as things were promising to calm down (around the beginning of November), we got a few surprises. The first is pictured in two of the three photos above. Pango, pronounced Pongo [ go here http://translator.kedri.info/ ] with a soft G sound (which means "black" in the Maori language) joined us rather suddenly on election day. The kids briefly talked about naming him Obama, but we figured that would be a very popular name, so we thought again. Pango is a 3 month old Golden Doodle (mix between Golden Retriever and Standard Poodle). He's adorable and also takes up LOTS of time. Jim does most of the heavy lifting, but I'm still trying to get used to things like not being able to set anything on the floor without the fear of it being chewed up! Pango is, however, one of the "simple things" I refer to in the title above. He's anything but easy, but supremely uncomplicated.

On November 7th, 3 days after we got Pango, a not so simple thing happened. I got a call from my step dad saying my mom was in the hospital for the third time this year. After being released several days later with no diagnosis, she was back in a week later with slightly different symptoms. A week and two trips (for me) to the DC area to visit her in the hospital, she is back out, still with no satisfactory diagnosis. This, of course, has been both tiring and evocative of all kinds of emotions for me. Aging parents (but wait, my parents aren't old! really, they aren't), how to approach increasingly complex medical issues, dealing with my own and other family members' emotions and ways of coping with it, wanting my mom to be upbeat and hopeful when that's really hard. Anything but simple.

So, we quickly threw together an uncomplicated Thanksgiving. First, Jim's lifelong friend, Tom Lasley, who now lives in Grand Cayman, came over for a short visit (he's also in Princeton with his aging mom). Picture above with weird hats and marshmallows in mouths is a long tradition with this crazy friend! We ate dinner with Jim's sister's family and his mom, then came up here to our favorite escape...our Lake house. It's cold, so we have a fire, around which we've eaten most of our meals and played simple board games. We spent much of today outdoors raking leaves, throwing rocks onto the iced over lake to see how far they'd go and how much they'd crack the ice, and watching our new puppy marvel at life outside of Peddie. I do that, too.

The Ones That Didn't Get Away

Today was a fantastic day! I woke up at 3:30 to get ready to go to Barnegat light to go fishing. Yes, 3:30 AM! It was a little painful but, in retrospect, well worth the bleary eyes. As you can see, I brought home two Stripers (Striped Bass), which were feeding on (hitting on) Bunker fish. I caught one and Dick caught the other. Bunkers are bait fish that jump in the water as they move from place to place. Under normal circumstances they are unhurried and are seen by the leisurely splashes they make as they travel. When they are being chased by fish, however, their splashing looks entirely different. As my friend Dick said, they look like they are being chased by something. So that's what were looking for, stressed fish.

We got on the water at 5:10, motored out through the inlet, and by 6:15 we were out into the ocean. It was an incredible morning - crisp, light breeze, and the sunrise was pink and orange, as the sunsets were in NZ. (A side note, anyone who knows me knows that I love NJ. It's not NZ, which is much more beautiful from top to bottom, but NJ has mountains [they just happen to be part of the Appalachians which are millions of years older than many of the mountain chains of the world], beaches, and an internationally known pine forest, known as the Pine Barrens. I know, I know it also has Newark, Camden, and Trenton, as well as the industrial port complexes in Elizabeth and other difficult scenery to observe, but it is still a place to be proud of. The not so nice places are here so those of you who are not serious about NJ will see them, turn around, and leave.) Not until we were getting off the water at noon or so did we see clouds. It was a good day to be alive.

So anyway, when we saw the schools of Bunkers, we would take the boat to them, cast out a line with only a hook on it and then yank that hook through the water. At first, I was not pulling hard enough. I got the idea when Dick said I should not be afraid of pulling their lips off. That made sense. I didn't pull any lips off, but I was then able to catch my own bait to attract Stripers. Pretty simple, really, but not always successful. Still cool to do.

So when we hit our first Bunker school, I yanked the line, hooked a Bunker and then 30 seconds later I caught my first Striper ever. I'm thinking, I'll go back home with five years worth of fish at this rate. I didn't really, but it was amazing how fast it all happened. It turned out to be 40 pounds and 44" long. That's a lot of fish. It also turns out to be my only keeper, but there is more to tell in a minute. A few minutes later, Dick got a hit, but it came off the line (called a run-off because the fish runs with the bait and then comes off the line). He then got another run-off not long after and it wasn't even 7:30 AM yet. At about 9:00 AM Dick hooked a Striper that turned out to be 35 lbs. and 42" long.

Then we stopped getting hits from the Bunker, as did most of the other fishermen in the area, and decided to troll for awhile. This is when you put line out behind the boat and let the boat move the line through the water (as opposed to casting the line out and waiting for the fish with the engine off as we had been doing) and in a short time I caught an estimated 6.5 foot, 125 pound Thresher Shark. We wanted to throw it back from the beginning, but almost had to keep it because we couldn't get the hook out (in this case a Bunker spoon, which is like a huge spinner if you do lake fishing), which, if left in, would kill it. As we were pulling the shark up the hook popped out of its mouth and it went free. It was an awesome sight, unfortunately we don't have any pictures. No, this is not one of those fish stories. If you look at a picture of a Thresher Shark you will see that it has a really long tail. It uses that tail to bash its prey. When we were bringing it up we had to be cognizant of that tail or it would have bashed us. Three or four times it bashed the side of the boat and it sounded like a gun going off. It made for an especially exciting experience.

Finally, and most importantly, you see a picture of my friend Dick. He was a chemistry teacher at Hightstown High for 30+ years, retired from there and then worked at Peddie for a couple of years. In my life, he is one of those people who, when I met him, felt like a life long friend and compatriot. He is one of the nicest guys I know, he is also a great teacher, a great friend, a great husband, and great person. He is one of the people I missed the most while I was gone. I am really glad I had the chance to catch up and go fishing on his boat with him. This was an awesome day!!

Time Spent

As I sit wondering what happened to the time spent in NZ, I am reminded that all of our time is precious and special. Even the stressful times we have (I didn't really have many [any?] in New Zealand) are a chance to be introspective. I hope I can remember that sentiment when school starts back up and I am coaching, teaching four classes, doing dorm duty, getting the kids to their own practices, trying to be a good father/husband/friend, and all the other things that take away our time, which is life at Peddie.

I feel especially introspective tonight for a few reasons: 1) I haven't written a blog in a while, though I have given thought to a few different ones, 2) We are back from our home away from home and life feels different (or is it just me?), 3) The whole family went to see my late father's wife, Carol, for two days, so the end of time was apparent (not for me, but for him), 4) other things, but I can't think of them right now. I'm afraid that I will also not take much time for the blog tonight, but I do have more in the works.

There's a small thunderstorm outside tonight. It is the first thunderstorm I have heard and seen in four months. It seems like such a long time ago. I didn't realize that I hadn't seen one in NZ, though there is plenty of rain and there are plenty of storms.

One of the first things that struck me when I got back was how much time it took me to cross the street. There were so many cars on the little main street of Hightstown, I wondered where all the people were coming from and why they were seemingly trying to compress so much into so little time. In Paekakariki, if more than two cars passed by at any one time it was a lot. Still, Paekakariki is only 1700 people. It was also a blistering hot day here in America, so I think people were coming back from or going to the beach.

It also takes a longer time to get things here. More people, bigger stores, farther distances, and longer lines. It makes sense, but it is another thing I will have to readjust to. It does take less time to travel from place to place (without traffic) because the roads are MUCH faster. The highest posted speed limit was 100KPH (62MPH), with construction zones being 30KPH (18MPH). If you're trying to get from point A to point B, those faster speed limits are better. However, the trucks go that fast, too! By the way, if you are concerned about the price of gas here at $4.00/gallon, when converted the price of gas in NZ is USD $6.06.

It took no time for our friends to find us, and that felt really good. It always nice to find that the people that are most important to us will take the time to spend the time. One might say that because summer is here it is easier to spend the time (true), but it is really about the friends prioritizing their time. We found that to be so true of the people down under, and I am happy to have friends here who feel the same way. In fact, the kids had a play date not far from here, and the pace was as relaxed as NZ, no worries. Thanks Shani for the conversation and lemonade!

Unfortunately, because Carolyn didn't work, really, for four months, she is finding that time didn't stop just because we were away. She has so much to do, with so many balls in the air, that her time, and my precious time with her, is limited. It will settle, and I will get used to it, but it still feels like a shock and like an unfair robbery of my time.

Finally, if I had done half of what I did, both professionally and personally, in twice the amount of time, I would still feel like it was all time well spent. I really have a better understanding of myself, that's not always a good thing, I feel like I know my kids and Carolyn so much better, and I feel like I will be better with my time in all that I do.

I made so many friends in the short time I was there. I saw so many things, and, to be corny, I had the experience of a lifetime and won't be able to process fully for a long time. I will have so much to add to this blog as time goes by. I look forward to learning more about myself and what it means and to taking the time to try new things in the classroom. Unfortunately, I am now out of time because I am still tired from the trip and must sign off.

I miss it heaps, but I am happy to be home to see my friends and family.

Winding Down

Those of you who regularly follow our blog may have noticed that we’ve been strangely silent as of late. I’ve noticed it, too, and I can only say that, for me, it’s been a case of my being firmly planted in a state of denial about the impending end of our beautiful journey. I have been quite sure that if I sat down to write anything at all these last two weeks, sooner or later the topic of our leaving would pop up…..and I’ve been determined to live the last few weeks as fully as possibly, not focusing on the huge hole I feel developing in the pit of my stomach and not wanting to write something that would feel like a huge bummer for all of you to read! And yet, it’s been creeping in anyway. I’ve also not known exactly how to express the joy I’ve had, the love I’ve developed for this place (and exactly why, because it’s hard to put into words), and just why it is that I feel such sadness and confusion about leaving. But it’s time. The last two mornings I’ve lain in bed, wide awake, listening to the waves, the wind, and the birds, thinking….it’s time, and so I might as well let it in.

As I got to this point in the blog entry, I had to take a break and go out for what has become my regular morning walk on Paekakariki Beach and through Queen Elizabeth Park. This morning there was a strong Southerly (a wind that comes form the south and, as a result, carries very cold air!) and a storm was coming in, but I could still see the moon in one direction and the colors of the sunrise in the other. Yep, it was beautiful even on this less than perfect morning. When I finished my walk, I stopped to contemplate the sea, the end of our journey, and the ways in which these four months have touched my life so beautifully. I noticed how through the mostly gray, cloudy sky, there was a place in which the sun was illuminating a rock face on the South Island, making it look as though it was glowing. Pretty cool, I thought. As I got up to head back to the house, I saw that there was yet another rainbow out over the sea and the tears started to flow again. How will I manage without my morning walks and my rainbows? How will I manage to feel my soul filled up when I don’t have all the sources of beauty around me to which I’ve become so accustomed? Why right now, when we are beginning to feel like this is a place we really belong, do we have to leave? In some ways it seems so wrong. In others it is what has to be for now. There is so much I love at home as well.

The last few weeks have been all about living the Kiwi life as best we can. We have taken long walks and bike rides on the beach; gone to hear our dear friend, Melissa’s band play at a birthday party at Memorial Hall in Paekakariki; taken the family to Friday night Kapahaka dancing (traditional Maori singing and dancing held every Friday night at Memorial Hall); gone to a local cinema to see a NZ movie called “Second Hand Wedding,” featuring our very own Kapiti Coast and co-starring our very own yoga instructor, Tina; gone to a going away dinner thrown by some new Kiwi friends of ours where we ate, laughed, and played pool; helped our dear friend, Jennifer celebrate her 38th birthday among heaps of friends; and attended numerous weekend soccer games for our kids. All of this has made us feel a real part of this community, making it ever harder for me to leave. I’m so grateful for the love, warmth, and welcome that everyone has shown us here. I’m grateful for what I’ve been reminded of----that life doesn’t have to be a rat race and that the most important things in life are the simple things. Family, time to relax, being close to the beauty of nature, and spending time with loved ones.

While I know that it’s up to me to create and nurture the things that feed my soul, I also know that it will take lots more work to find and keep connections with those things back in our wonderful, but busy and relatively far from nature lives back home. I am coming face to face with a basic fact of life----that in order to experience joy, we must also experience sadness and loss. I’m grateful that I am brave enough to seek the joy despite the knowledge of the sadness that will surely follow. I’m grateful to my loving and supportive family and friends for loving me through it all.

So that’s the blog I was avoiding writing. There you have it. And now we put our chins up, enjoy the last few days, and begin focusing on all the wonderful people and things we have to go back to. Did I mention our life there isn’t half bad either?


Pictures in the entry are of 1. family last sunday morning on a beach bike ride near our house, 2. one of the many rainbows we've seen from our front door, 3. inside the cinema where we saw the local Kiwi movie last weekend, 4. friends at Jennifer's birthday party last weekend, 5. sunset over the sea--view from Jennifer and Michael's front window