Bittersweet

Another wonderful trip to New Zealand is coming to a close. The feeling of bittersweet is becoming a familiar one to me as these journeys become a regular part of my life. As I sit here on the Air New Zealand flight, after a fitful but adequate nights’ sleep, we approach San Francisco. San Francisco’s not bad, but it’s not Paekakariki. No place really could be. There’s nothing like going to bed and waking up to the sound of waves beating against the shore. Nothing like watching the sunset over the South Island. Nothing like watching the kids play with gaggles of kids next door in Campbell Park after a Kapa Haka performance in Memorial Hall on a Friday night. It’s all so idyllic. And I suppose that’s why we’re buying a house that we have no immediate intention of living in. Because it’s beautiful and because we can. Even if it makes things tight for us over here, knowing we have an investment in a life over there is somehow comforting….

A quick report on the trip. The kids had a blast going to school, hanging out with old friends and the beloved Miss Flighty (the Year 4 teacher at the Paekakariki School), playing with Aidan, Naomi, and Ayla, sleeping late, and eating yummy fresh eggs, cheese, butter, and tasty NZ carrots (David ate a cheese omelet every morning we were there!) And as my friend, Jennifer says, it’s pretty good when you’re sad to leave the place where you are and also anticipating getting to the place you’re going because there are people in both places that you love and who love you. As we head home, we have two people waiting for us whom we missed terribly and love beyond belief. We’re coming, Jim and Abby. We’ll be home soon…..until the next trip.

Pictures are of: Kapiti Island with big waves on a windy day; a late afternoon view from Paekakariki Hill; David and Aidan still in swim gear at the top of Paekakariki Hill; Becky and Ayla at our NZ Halloween make-up party; David and Becky near Memorial Hall after the Kapa Haka show

fun in nz

nz has been so much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey its becky .we have been doing so much stuff.Naomi DavidAidan and I went booge boarding down the campell park hill.i wish you knew how much fun nz is.i went to lindalle and got fizzies ,te papa in wellington,we went bike riding,we went to the school and met the teacher that we are having for school Miss Flighty who is very very very nice (but one thousand times).David and Aidan went swimming in the freezing cold water brrrrrr.They also went to cubs and made fires in cans.I also played with Naomi and Aidans nintendo DS's.

Pictures are of view out the front window of the Bergers' house (which, by the way, will be very close to the view we get from our new house). Big waves in front of Kapiti Island. The other is of the kids helping Michael blow out the candles on his birthday cake. See the view out the window in the background? Nice.....

Tramping with the little elves

This country is so beautiful, partly because it's just so beautiful but partly because it's so darned diverse. The weekend that was going to be an all girls' overnight tramp to a hut a couple of hours from here turned into a weekend of rain. But it cleared today, somewhat. What started as a somewhat rainy, windy day by the sea became a sunny, almost warm day as I approached Wellington on the train. Then, as we drove north toward Kaitoke Reserve, north and inland from Wellington, the skies moved from overcast to sunny as the clouds raced across the sky. Did we need our rain gear or our bathing suits? It was hard to tell. That's New Zealand, as far as I can tell.

The pictures here are of the hike we took in one of the few remaining old growth forests in this part of the country. It also happens to be the place where the little elf scenes were filmed in Lord of the Rings (Rivendell)

The day ended back by the sea, like this.....

And now, as I get ready to go to bed, I'm looking at the moon setting, fiery orange, out over the sea. Ahhhh.....

Look, Becky, Abby, and David...I got the fizzies!!!

Next time maybe you can come get them yourselves!

Love,

Mommy

Coming Home.....well, sort of

Yesterday I arrived back to one of the most beautiful places in the world, and with the exception of four important things (Jim, Abby, Becky, and David), I felt like I had come home. By the time I'd been in Paekakariki just an hour or two yesterday, it was as though I'd never left. Melissa told me that when she walked into the house and saw me for the first time, she almost didn't feel like she had to say more than "hello" because...why should she? She just saw me yesterday, right?

Although I'm mostly here because of a really cool piece of work I'm doing with my dear friend and colleague, Jennifer (who is lucky and/or smart enough to live here), I built in a few extra days. Today was mostly about getting over jet lag, but luckily, I don't suffer from jet lag too much, and so....I had a fabulously wonderful day. When I visit places I've been before and loved dearly, what I mostly like to do is go on a little revisiting tour of places that were part of my life. So I woke up, hung laundry, went for a run in Queen Elizabeth Park with Melissa, ended up in the Village for a cup of latte, came home and took a shower, went to Paraparaumu to the Pac 'n Sav, where I bought the store out of my favorite yogurt mix, came back, did a little work, walked into the village to look for fizzies fort the kids, came back, cleaned up the kitchen, and went to pick kids (not mine, but very familiar ones) up at the Paekakariki School, came home, made snacks, went for a swim, and began to fix dinner. It was a whirlwind version of my typical days here a year ago when we were living those blessedly wonderful months of our lives.

People at the school recognized me, some said hi, some looked at me funny as if to say "you're not supposed to be here," others hugged me and said "welcome home." A few kids asked where Becky, David, and/or Abby were. It was familiar. And I longed to have my family with me.

I miss you, family. Everywhere I turn, I think of you. You were supposed to be with me today when I swam. When I went to the village to look for fizzies. I was supposed to pick you up from school. Jim and I were supposed to go for a bike ride in QE park. Here is so beautiful, but you are my home. Hey....any chance my home could take a detour over here???? Just kidding.

Happy Holidays from the Harris-Coughlin Family

In the novel, A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens described the Harris family’s 2008 to a tee. He wrote, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times… it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…” Maybe in retrospect that describes every year, for everyone, but it seemed especially true this year for us.

So that we can end on a happy note, we’ll start with the worst of times. Jim’s dad died at the age of 78 on April 1st after having been diagnosed with lung cancer in January and suffering a collapsed lung three days before Carolyn and the kids went away for a “little trip,” (more on this later), from which he never really recovered. All of his children got a chance to see him to say goodbye before he died, and that has helped Jim to plod through this grieving time. Enough about that…

The best of times was truly that….an amazing and life altering trip to New Zealand. Jim was awarded a sabbatical after ten years of working at the Peddie School; not wanting to fritter away this rare time off, we packed up the kids and moved to the most beautiful country in the world for four wonderful, relaxing, reinvigorating months. Our dear generous friends, the Garvey Bergers, welcomed us with open arms, helping Jim to secure office space at the New Zealand Center for Educational Research, helping the kids get settled into the small Paekakariki School, providing us a place to live, and most importantly, providing all of us with unconditional friendship and a lifetime of memories. Jim learned a bit about experiential education in NZ, but truthfully, what he really learned about was BIRDS! He took over 6000 pictures and identified over 300 birds, culminating in a professional quality slide show that he’s shown to friends and loved ones alike! The kids learned that kids in NZ are a lot like kids in the U.S., enjoyed going to a small school where playing on dangerous playground equipment is required, homework comes in sane quantities, and shoes are optional at best. Carolyn learned how to relax and to live without cell phone or blackberry. While the kids were at school, Jim and Carolyn spent long leisurely days together, bike riding, walking, and just hanging out. As a family, we went on several very cool trips, did lots of biking and hiking, lived in the outdoors, and generally got reacquainted with what it is like to live a life that’s not filled with hectic schedules and consumerism. In short, it was pure bliss. If you have the time and the wherewithal, feel free to read on in this blog for more details of our NZ adventure.

And then there’s the not best and not worst of times….just life as it is. Some highlights follow….

It has been amazing watching the kids grow. Abby, the consummate entertainer, now in 5th grade, is really becoming a young woman, rather than a girl. Becky in 2nd grade, the ever observant one, has gained a lot of confidence in herself and is constantly analyzing the world around her. David, also in 2nd grade, is our passionate and intense child; he has discovered that he can run really fast and that is all he wants to do. Fortunately, Jim has convinced him not to expect his father to run with him all the time! All of the kids read voraciously, all of them love to sing, all of them love to be outside, and all of them live and love life to the fullest. Needless to say, all of us sleep really well, too. What we really see in them is three great kids whom we love dearly. The independence we have been teaching them sometimes comes back to bite us, but they so want to do things on their own, and often do those things well that we can’t help but encourage them.

Speaking of running, this year saw a very particular “best and worst time” for Jim. With the support of Carolyn and his two best friends at school, and fresh off of many months of more than usual physical activity, he ran a sprint triathlon in September. It was a ¼ mile swim (in Peddie Lake, yowza!), a ten mile bike ride, and a 5K run. The swim felt like the most difficult part, though it shouldn’t have been. He got kicked early, tightened up, and never gained on anyone. The bike ride was fine, but the roads were slick from the rain. The run was killer, with his right calf cramping up about halfway in. In the standings he didn’t fair very well, but the victory was in the finishing!!!

The last exciting thing (we hope) to happen this year was the addition of the adorable Pango (pronounced Pon-gu…it means “black” in the Maori language of NZ), a 3 month old Golden Doodle puppy, to our family on Election Day 2008.

Returning to normal, American, high stress life has been challenging for all of us, although Carolyn has had the hardest time readjusting. Must be her Wyoming roots!! Mostly, though, we’re grateful for the chance to have done something incredible as a family and to have created lifelong memories. We are truly blessed.

We wish huge blessings for each of you, as well, this Holiday Season.
Jim, Carolyn, Abby, David, Becky, and Pango

Pictures are of the family near Milford Sound in NZ and of David, Becky, and Abby with Pango at the Lake

The Simple Things

Hi this is Becky.Inthe first picture is Abby,David,Pango,and me.In the second picture is Laz,Dad,Mom,Becky,Abby,and David.

In the last picture is our new doggy Pango.The other one is David and Abby and me down by the Lake last night with Pango. David has his wet suit on because he dared himself to go in the water but he ended up only getting his feet and his head in! There is ice on the Lake!

OK, now me, Carolyn. It doesn't take a genius to notice that it's been nearly 6 months since our last posting...back then we were fresh from 4 lusciously relaxing months in New Zealand. We're so grateful for that time we had...what a gift. Life back in the US happened to us gradually, thank goodness! Being at our Lake house for 2 1/2 months was a perfect transition. It all seems so long ago now.

Seems like life has been moving at 100 miles per hour since the second we set foot back on Peddie School soil in September. Of course, we arrived home from the summer at the last possible minute, as is my style...why face the unpleasant now when you can put it off for a couple more days??? Is it possible that I once thought of myself as a fully organized, fully planned, fully together sort of a person? If ever I did, I've liberated myself from that story at last! But I digress....

Most of the fall was the typical busy-ness of a family with 3 elementary school children and two working parents...soccer practices, soccer games, girl scouts and cub scouts, Princeton Girl Choir for Abby. For the first time I felt full on the reality of how hard it is to live at a boarding school when you have multiple school-aged kids and a working spouse. Night-time dorm duties, twice weekly mandatory family style dinners, football practice and games, Saturday classes--these all made it very hard for Jim to participate in the kids' daily lives and when we layered on my being out of town working for a full 3 weeks plus many odd overnights over the course of two months, it was chaos. So we are (or rather I am) feeling a bit torn about whether this life is sustainable. Juxtaposing it against life in NZ makes it hard to be objective, but then again, NZ has given me a new standard against which to measure....I vacillate between telling myself that this is reasonable and knowing that it's unrealistic and going back again to the notion that realistic is just another way of saying "limited". And feeling limited is not a good place for me to be. So we talk and wonder and who knows what's next. Perhaps more of the same, perhaps not.

Just as things were promising to calm down (around the beginning of November), we got a few surprises. The first is pictured in two of the three photos above. Pango, pronounced Pongo [ go here http://translator.kedri.info/ ] with a soft G sound (which means "black" in the Maori language) joined us rather suddenly on election day. The kids briefly talked about naming him Obama, but we figured that would be a very popular name, so we thought again. Pango is a 3 month old Golden Doodle (mix between Golden Retriever and Standard Poodle). He's adorable and also takes up LOTS of time. Jim does most of the heavy lifting, but I'm still trying to get used to things like not being able to set anything on the floor without the fear of it being chewed up! Pango is, however, one of the "simple things" I refer to in the title above. He's anything but easy, but supremely uncomplicated.

On November 7th, 3 days after we got Pango, a not so simple thing happened. I got a call from my step dad saying my mom was in the hospital for the third time this year. After being released several days later with no diagnosis, she was back in a week later with slightly different symptoms. A week and two trips (for me) to the DC area to visit her in the hospital, she is back out, still with no satisfactory diagnosis. This, of course, has been both tiring and evocative of all kinds of emotions for me. Aging parents (but wait, my parents aren't old! really, they aren't), how to approach increasingly complex medical issues, dealing with my own and other family members' emotions and ways of coping with it, wanting my mom to be upbeat and hopeful when that's really hard. Anything but simple.

So, we quickly threw together an uncomplicated Thanksgiving. First, Jim's lifelong friend, Tom Lasley, who now lives in Grand Cayman, came over for a short visit (he's also in Princeton with his aging mom). Picture above with weird hats and marshmallows in mouths is a long tradition with this crazy friend! We ate dinner with Jim's sister's family and his mom, then came up here to our favorite escape...our Lake house. It's cold, so we have a fire, around which we've eaten most of our meals and played simple board games. We spent much of today outdoors raking leaves, throwing rocks onto the iced over lake to see how far they'd go and how much they'd crack the ice, and watching our new puppy marvel at life outside of Peddie. I do that, too.